Inspired by the recent fist news
Not long ago in downtown Detroit, Claremont Chrysler, known as “Monty,” the grandson heir of Chrysler Automotive, brought his new girl friend, Stella LaPassionata Fiat del Fuoco, home to meet his family, not unlike The Bachelor episode to air next week. There was an initial air of unease as the two family systems converged at the palatial Chrysler homestead in scenic Gross Pointe Shores.
The rather traditional and staid Chrysler clan of 300 was rather discomfited to greet Ms. Fiat, who arrived attired in Ferrari-red Capri pants and accompanied by her young son, Cinquecento, from a previous marriage. Monty played it cool, although he was clearly smitten by his “LaPassionata.”
Hoping to breathe new life and funding into the aging and ailing Chrysler family, Monty’s parents gave their blessing, but not without significant prior eye rolling, teeth gnashing and mind-numbing tippling. Stella’s family marveled at the spectacular Chrysler palazzo and submerged themselves publicly in new-found worldwide credibility, while privately criticizing the served wine as undrinkable.
The wedding was spectacular, especially the world-class limo service. Although some guests expressed concerns about the long-term viability of this unusual pairing, the two families could not have seemed happier. Some special moments of clarity:
- Stella’s maid of honor, Alfa Romeo, clearly craved attention, desperately vying to catch the thrown bouquet.
- The Chrysler staff clearly disapproved of serving Chianti and absolutely refused to place lighted drippy candles in empty discarded woven-cane-encased bottles.
- The two design teams clearly came from different galaxies, as indicated by the three-day-long, 12-course concertinad rehearsal dinner that contrasted sharply with the tux-and-tails, gowns-and-bling, string-quarteted, 11-minute ceremony.
- Fabio was clearly pleased to make the guest list.
- Chrysler business associates (the Fords, the General and others) clearly enjoyed the ceremony but probably drank too much at the reception.
The honeymoon was brief and private, but it’s location can now be revealed as Elk Rapids, Michigan. A rented condo ledger entry at White Birch Lodge says “Mr. and Mrs. Sebring,” which is highly suspicious. And there was a rumored sighting at Pearl’s Restaurant where the former Ms. Fiat supposedly ordered the blackened gator, while Monty ate a ham sandwich, no mayo.
Now the world awaits to see the results of this non-traditional marriage. Early signs appear funky and combative, such as the new Chrysler slogan “Imported from Detroit” and the recently added fist to the advertising.