A Royal ‘Main Event’

Live blog signoff from the Royal Wedding at 7:12 a.m.

7:08 a.m.
Couple arrives outside. Adoring fans. Bells. Carriage does not show its pumpkin heritage. Kate opts for carriage rather than bareback. Carriage departs, footmice erect at back.

7:06 a.m.
Recession: couple, flower children. Other pomps do well, given the circumstances.

7:02 a.m.
Matt Lauer announces that it’s 7:02 a.m., EDT. This just in: Kiss on balcony scheduled for 8:25 a.m., probably not GMT. Royal couple returns, respects paid to Queen. Train behaves.

6:59 a.m.
I have just been abruptly corrected. Not Vicar. It’s Archbishop. Royal carriage awaits on Abbey Road. Interlude continues. Register must require in triplicate. Aha. Party begins to return.

6:52 a.m.
God Save the Queen sung. Two tourists spotted singing America the Beautiful. Bouquet returned. Wedding party moves forward and out of sight. Not sure if there ever was a kiss. I’ll watch the replay. Aha. Just announced that the couple is signing The Register.

6:42 a.m.
SunriseAndWeddingChoir sings beautifully. Couple gets up, then both kneel for responsive prayers. Sunrise in Elk Rapids. Orchestra and choir erupt. “Chariots of Fire” hymn sung. No distance runners allowed into abbey.

6:31 a.m.
Boy’s and men’s combo choir sings. Bishop gives charge, manifesting magnificent countenance and basso profundo. Kate listens intently. Williams seems bored and distracted.

6:23 a.m.
Camera pans to Elton. Lip syncs? Elton only Brit recognized by more than 30% of Americans. Bible reading by Kate’s brother, James. Likely King James Version. Quick Web check: Wrong —

Kate Middleton’s brother will read from a modern American version of the Bible during the service, urging the royal couple to “associate with the lowly”.  canada.com

6:18 a.m.
Rings fit. Pronounced man and wife. Flawless diction. No kiss yet. Unfamiliar hymn, might be British.

6:14 a.m.
Nobody aurally objects to the wedding. Vows exchanged in English. Lapel mikes hidden well.

6:11 a.m.
Hymn: God of Grace and God of Glory. Elton sings in ensemble – first time since 1987. Royal couple provided with lyrics. Coloratura ascends into heaven.

6:06 a.m.
Kate looks radiant. Upstage-event rule waived. Eco-friendly trees line the aisle. Queen’s dress provides faux-sunshine sustenance. Royal pattern baldness awaits. Choir nosebleeds increase in frequency and flow.

6:03 a.m.
Train arrives. Kate leads. Handmaiden struggles. Dad watches his feet. Vicar and Kate chat. Music starts. High E-flat trumpets shatter chancel glass. Thousand-throat choir soars.

5:53 a.m.
Train embarks. Kate follows. Dad smothered by train. Floral hat in front seat induces allergic reaction? No, was just a twitch. Flower children arrive.

5:40 a.m.
Flower children embark. More limos. More hats. Aha. Charles and Camilla. Charles has a flashback. Camilla scowls.

Could be the Queen. Aha. She seems much older than her recent appearance in The King’s Speech. Royal yellow, perhaps chiffon. Cameras compensate for sunshine brightness. Queen arrives. As usual, Prince Phillip seems lost.

Live commentator pauses for much-needed break.

5:25 a.m.
William removes his hat, ending wild speculation that he would opt for a comb-over. Commentator mentions Prince Harry’s continuous teasing of William, channeling a recent popular faux-Brit movie. No stuttering noted. William chats up the crowd. Hats get in the way.

Side note: My wife just appeared at the tellie wearing a large feathered hat and giving the royal wave. Violating the “Don’t upstage the event” edict, she is unceremoniously dragged away.


Royal Rolls (or some such) approaching. Aha, it’s Kate’s sister. She greets the Vicars of Westminster.

5:10 a.m.
More hats – a striking wild-orchid leopard arrived. Interior aerial shot (from the nave?) of abbey and abbsesses. Recalling my earlier dream, I note that Lady Diana’s brother, Sir Charles Spencer, looks quite pugilistic today. Commentators split evenly between American and British accents; some remarkably bilingual. Blimp view of abbey grounds. Elton again, not singing.

Royal Bentley spotted leaving Buckingham Palace. Crowd cheers. Bobbies to high alert. Aha, it’s William. Crowd swoons. Americans note his vermillion attire. Irreverent Yank yells, “The Redcoat is coming.” Violating the “Don’t upstage the event” edict, he is unceremoniously dragged away.

4:48 a.m.
Roused to note that Sir Elton John and his partner are arriving.

Aerial shot of Winchester Cathedral (Tune runs through my head.) followed by interior view of thousands of hats (I just read that Brits wear hats.) and waistcoats. The parade approaches. There’s the band – oddly Disneyesque. PETA has been alerted that the drummers are wearing tiger pelts. Another shot of Sir Elton and other.

Matt Lauer has just announced that only one hour separates us from the main event. Bird-feather hats appear to be the rage with novel British-sidesaddle headgear now being seated.

We interrupt this Live coverage to allow the Elk Rapids-based commentator to get something to eat – and probably drink.

4:41 a.m.
I frequently nod off during the incessant event run-up and can now document my semi-conscious state:

To wed, perchance to dream
[wavy transition to Windsor Square Garden]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Royals and Not, welcome to Windsor Square Garden for the Wedding of the Millenium!

In the near corner, in royal blue trunks, representing the House of Windsor and weighing some uneven number of [I’m American, how would I know?] stones, Prince William.

In the far corner, in white trunks and 15’ train, representing the Middleton Club and weighing on the heartstrings of the world, Lady Kate.

This main event will be held under Queen’s Rules, going one round….

4:28 a.m.
Consumers Energy has just reported an unusual 4 a.m. increase in ‘tricity demand as numerous Elk Rapids-area households activated televisions, coffee pots and popcorn poppers in anticipation of festivities today.

I should note that, weeks ago, I lamented when my wedding invitation was mysteriously lost in the mail, but a London-based, trout-fishing friend explained that “You have to be one of the 1,900 close personal friends of William and Kate to actually have the invitation delivered.” So I narrowly avoided severe out-group depression.

Now, during this time shift that forces me to wake up in darkness, I less-than-fondly recall that Brits invented time zones, permanently enslaving the Colonies to early rousings in the television (tellie) age.

About elkrapidslive

More than a lifelong connection to Elk Rapids
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